Social Media tells me they’re happy!

Recently, I met a friend who is quite a patient of social media enslavement. From an early morning breakfast update to a mandatory office conference selfie with them colleagues, she would put it all. Of course, her life seemed pretty perfect. Every time I would open my own feed, I would see some trending updates and mostly, even consider how boring and dull my life was compared to her or any other person connected to me through the internet.

The friend and I had lost touch but suddenly, we decided to catch up. It took us nearly 100 messages to make a plan but fortunately the online conversation did convert into an offline meet-up (Do I receive any brownie points for the execution?). Like old times, all the gossips and conversations kept flowing in and eventually, she started to share about the hard times she was going through which seemed whimsically strange to me because the online life was a flip of what she told. It striked to me how instead of rationally evaluating a situation, I let social media guide my belief. I didn’t push too much into the social life because that would have been too child like plus, she needed support for the ongoing angst.

Well, it took me a while to digest the dissimilarity. I even started to meet more people offline because suddenly, my belief on the virtual world changed. My basic understanding after the whole precis was that the people who claim to be over the moonly ecstatic and happy are generally close to melancholy and depression. It made me realise how deceiving social media or the virtual life could get.

Comparing our lives to someone we see happy on the web is just not right because perhaps, it’s a fake second life we’ve built for ourselves mostly in order to seek for attention and tell the world we’re going good whereas, the later might be the opposite.

I may sound overly critical here but all I want to convey is that don’t let social media result into self- deception. It’s perfectly alright to use it but to form a judgment or feel lowly on the basis of social network may not be the wisest decision.

Having said all of that, I would want to know how would you delineate the term “online life”? 🙂

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Career lessons my first job taught me.

My first job was with one of the most known Unicorn start up in the country. I remember how I always dreamt of being a part of that company because of it’s culture, people and what not. Of course, I had all the reasons to be happy and celebrate but wait, as soon as the college got over, the real life started.The sudden change was insomuch that it took me pretty long to accept the situation.

A person who never woke up early and gazed netflix all night was turned into a lark within the first week. I remember travelling 3 hours a day, writing those early morning reports, answering those team leads, trying hard to fit into the system, going through mocks and trainings totally whacked me out.

I remember the first one week was a cribbing session for me. Life was suddenly made uneasy and stressful. Like anyone else, I disliked it too but now when I look back to what exactly did I learn, there’s so much. The learning and the experience computes to so much that it took me longer to figure out the predicament.

Mentioning few of my learning from my first job:

  • Uncomfortable is good- Startup life is never dull. During my tenure, I shuffled between 4 regional offices, 3 different products and let’s not even talk about my team leads getting changed every now and then. I remember how it was all getting nerve racking at first. I remember one of the national team challenges for which I worked day and night just to prove myself. End of the week, I won it, not just once but for 3 consecutive months and that’s exactly when I realised how it’s very easy to underestimate yourself. If I would have chosen the comfortable life by deciding to take part just for heck of it, life would have been typical but the real change and fun came after I took up the challenge and decided to push myself beyond the boundaries.Till the time you don’t try, you’d never know what you can really achieve.
  • No work is ever Small– Indra Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo started of as a receptionist in her dorm, Reed Hasting, CEO of Netflix, he worked a door-to-door salesman, selling vacuum cleaners and a lot of other famous people who started really small. Does anyone become a CEO or a leader just like that? It all takes time and the right attitude to learn. Accomplishment in such small tasks only gives you the courage to take up bigger projects.
  • Initiating Conversation; A good sign– Yes, you must start the conversation with the team and other people of the organisation unless you wish to sit alone in one corner of the room. If you really want to be friends with your colleague, make a good impression on your boss and make your work life a better place then you must communicate because speaking is as important as listening. The more you network, the easier it would be to fit within the system.
  • Never give up– There would be a lot of situations when you’d consider quitting because apparently you aren’t doing so well but before you conclude that, it’s better to recall why the company hired you? They definitely saw something in you which perhaps, they didn’t see the other 873626+ (a bit of an exaggeration there)candidates who appeared for this position. It’s always better to look for a solution to your problem than to conclude and accept your failures. “Never give up as great things take me”– A very conventional saying we’ve been hearing since our childhood holds true in this situations and our life, in general.
  • Feedback is good– Everyone within the organisation comes from a different background hence, the difference in their choices and opinions. Some would make faces at your work whereas, someone would welcome your ideas with the smile. I can still recall the time when I felt timid to speak freely in front of those I thought would spurn me out. One day, I tagged team with my senior who would ask me the same question post each meeting “What do you think worked and what didn’t?” I used to answer the question by giving 3 points of each. He would agree to most of them and make necessary changes during the next meeting. Soon enough, the feedback did wonders and that’s exactly when I realised how the saying- feedback can either make you bitter or better made so much sense.

Our first job is the beginning of our career, it’s not something we’ll be stuck in forever. During our first job, we learn so much about decision making, accountability and everything else that counts to make us a better professional. I believe persistence along with a positive attitude can really help us stay focused during the onerous time.

What did you learn during your first job? 🙂

Connect me with on https://in.linkedin.com/in/urvashi-katyal or email- urvashi.katyal@gmail.com

How to master the art of ignoring someone you love?

Before you read on and earn a PhD in the field of blessed ignorance, tell me if you’ve ever been in a situation where you wanted to ignore someone you feel oodles of fondness for? It can get quite complicated and painful, right?

First of all, we all have reasons to ignore that someone. It could be due to their behavior, a rough argument or mere rejection. And we don’t always need a reason, do we? Lack of attention can trigger it too; mostly that’s what happens in my case by the way.

If yes, then I feel you bro. It’s one of the most annoying feelings in the world. We have that person added on our social media and we need to ignore them, but sadly, Snapchat keeps us updated about their fun night with the squad, Instagram tells us about their late night fancy dinner date and WhatsApp keeps showing their status. And it’s not like you can shut them all. So, what are we supposed to do? We so want their attention, but due to our recent grudge, we can’t even text because well, ego and that sense of self-respect.

And while we keep overthinking, this social media keeps reminding us of them. We cannot delete them either, because it’ll be “too wanna be” and child-like. Plus, we always want the best of both worlds –get all updates and, at the same time, stay at peace.

Here are some tips to cast that spell of ignorance right.

Rule Number 1

Never Sound Needy

I know you love them and as they say, when it’s love nothing else should matter. You must explain things and even go an extra mile to fix things up, but if the person just doesn’t understand then may be it’s time to back off a little and stand your ground. No body should be taking you for granted, ever. Stick to this and don’t get carried away. No more running after them. Acceptance is key here.

Rule Number 2

Play it Cool, Online

If you really wish to ignore them on the Internet, there’re quick changes you can make in the settings. Starting with WhatsApp, put the chat in Archives (no opening it). For Facebook, un-follow them so their updates don’t appear on your timeline. On Snapchat just don’t click on their story or even better, remove them for a while, no one gets any notification anyway. This way you’ll have them added but at the same time, there won’t be much access to their updates, and trust me, this will only make your life easier.

Rule Number 3

Stay busy. Burn them, boy.

The best way to not think about someone is by keeping yourself busy. Go out with friends, work on yourself, read books, eat good things and make them jealous. Trust me, if they really care about you, they’ll be burning up inside when they see you have fun with other people (especially common friends) and not them. Slow clap to our double standards.

Rule Number 4

Take it Slow

Did he/she just text you? Don’t get excited. Wait a while, may be for few hours or even a day? Just don’t revert within a second. Show them you have other things on your mind too. At least we can pretend we have priorities. And don’t try to make conversation in the very first place. Act formal, no “What’s up?” but a “How are you?” Start using their name to make it sound more legit (Hi Rajnikanth!). And a tiny disclaimer, increase the usage of words like hmmm, no idea, ya and ok. Short, dry replies act like a bomb.

Rule Number 5

Stay Focused, Stay Strong

Perhaps everything about them is perfect but I am sure there would be something you never really appreciated about them. May be how they make those weird noises while eating or that weird obsession with poop jokes. Try to think about why you fought or whatever led you to behave in this manner. This will only help you to keep your will strong to ignore the lad.

Follow these tips for a few days and trust me they will come running to you. And when that happens, don’t shower all your love at once. Have a stiff, casual embrace and they’ll surely be yours forever because then they won’t take you for granted. There’ll be that fear of losing you. And if even after a few days they don’t realise your absence, then I am sure your existence didn’t matter much to them anyway. Either way, let’s move on!

Is it okay to have no opinion at times?

“How can you not have an opinion?”

“You probably aren’t so sharp.”

“ Having no say prompts low confidence.”

I am sure you hear a lot of other things too when you decide to not interrupt in between a conversation.

Recently, I promised myself to become a good listener and being a human, speak about only those topics where I can really discern as I cannot know the whole nine yards. I decided to listen, absorb more and notice the behavior of the ones around me.

I do understand how having no opinion works well when you’re being intellectually idle and indecisive and even when we wish to not think seriously about a certain matter. But can an individual be an omniscient?

After my fact- finding, I found a perceptible behaviour in almost every second individual. Based on my analysis, I figured the following:

Half knowledge is dangerous– Often people start talking about subjects which they are not aware of which by the way, is perfectly fine. Improvising may turn right but sadly, most times it does not. I see people squalling randomly without adding any quality contribution to the conversation . What happens next? People end up not listening to you. (It’s almost like me giving my opinion about sports)

Tag of being; Win-it-all- Yes, it’s more of a competition here. People love to act like they have knowledge about each sphere. The whole idea of the discussion is usually to reveal that I know more facts than to focus on exchanging ideas and viewpoints. The one who speaks more, gets the tag.

Directly related to Ego– Another perceptible behaviour is associated with being stubborn and egoistic. If a person finds out he’s wrong he’d still continue with wrong facts just to save himself from the embarrassment. Concluded this after a conversation with a friend who supported no night outs for women. After giving out valid replies, the person still didn’t agree just because acceptance is too gawky, I believe.

Jack of all but master of none- My community groups are filled by instruction and advices from people. Arbitrary Topics along with futile opinions just to flaunt the knowledge of each sphere. 

Don’t you think it would make more sense if a successful entrepreneur shared tips to grow a business rather than a politician or a sportsman? Anyone can come up and say you sing bad, but only a genuine musician can tell you what notes you got wrong.

I am definitely not being a whiner here but I just feel that it’s okay to not say anything when there’s limited understanding of the event and a desire to signal to the peers that they ostensibly care about the issue at hand.

The lord has blessed us all with a gift of talking. We must use it to express our opinions and feeling but I believe overusing it can lead to sad results.

I feel it’s normal to just listen and not give opinion sometimes , no one comes out as a wanker anyway. What do you think?

Decoding Success.

“What is success? What makes a person successful? How do we identify success?What are the manifestation of success? And how do we know we’ve arrived?”

These were the question asked in the book You can win.

Well, Everyone wants to be successful, I don’t think there’s anyone I know who doesn’t wish to be. The exhilarating point comes when you ask the definition of this “term” from different individuals. Listing down few of the most vapid expression we get to hear:

When I know I am doing better than my companions- Winning the race is success

When people know me by my name- Fame and Power is success

When I have so much wealth that I don’t rethink during shopping Money is success

There were other denotation as well, the personal ones:

Success is being the best parent/partner A Happy Family is success

Contributing to the society & making an impact in the society- Satisfaction along with Peace of mind is success.

One thing I’ve concluded after hearing so many responses is that Success is not just another term but a feeling and an emotion. When you get happy, you experience it, and similarly SUCCESS it’s assuredly a feeling that you feel from within.

Sometimes, people may tell you that you’re successful but you still feel vexed well, that’s because we never arrive there. Success is an ongoing process. It’s not a destination but a journey with no end.

As written by Earl Nightingale- “ Success is the progressive relationsation of a worthy goal”. I believe a feeling of happiness and contentment of doing something right somehow indicates success substantially.

Talking about the key, I don’t think there’s any except for the hard work as success is no accident but a result of our own orientation.

Well, this is what success means to me but if I were to ask you, how would you define it? 🙂